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09 May 2006 @ 11:44 am
i'm living with a starvation artist.  
my roommate is much better at not eating than i am. and it shows. obviously.

her wrists are so tiny and delicate, i'm almost positive i could snap them in half with my bare hands. the tendons of her ankles stretch out gracefully when she moves. the bones in her back slide beneath her skin, no fat there to cover them up. her thighs are about as big as my forearms. her ribs and hips protrude out the front of her, while her shoulderblades stick out like knives. she has no butt. the skin on her joints wrinkles up when she moves, because there's no fat between skin and bone.

her self-control is flawless. she's a self-proclaimed vegan, which eliminates most calories and fats out of her diet to begin with. she eats one piece of fruit per day.

i am jealous beyond all levels of envy, but at the same time, shamed with myself. i feel guilt for eating one-half of a cup of oatmeal for breakfast today. i'm trying to hide my thunderously large thighs beneath my desk, feeling that she'll judge me, call me fatty, look at me for reverse thinspiration. i am disgusting.

she can't weigh more than 90 pounds. and here i am, wallowing in blubber at 112, eating whatever i feel like because my personal self-control is worthless. i binge after fasting, because i can't control my hunger. i let my stomach take over what the rest of my body is doing. if anything, i blame the fact that i have friends, and for some reason the social thing to do is to eat together. my roommate never leaves the room except to go to class or the gym. she lies around reading and will eat one apple all day. what amazing control. what an amazing body. she's worked so hard on it.

she's so perfect.
Current Mood: annoyedfatass